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Archive for June, 2009

Ready to Marry

Now being that this is my first blog, I’ll try to keep it to the point but it’s important for you to know I am writing this for myself in order gain some perspective on my daily thoughts and events.

Today started out like any other day; with a diet coke, half an orange, yogurt, and a bagel with some berry cream cheese spread on it.  I log into my Facebook this morning and much to my surprise it occurs to me that in 25 days I will be married.  YIKES!!  That’s in less than a month; so soon.  Now at this point I might need to preface a fact.  I love my future wife Shannon and I was born ready to marry her.

Now one might ask why the, yikes?  Most men that I know are not apprehensive about being married, rather what follows.  It seems to me that the majority of women are naturally equipped with this ready to be a wife/mother attitude.  Whereas with us guys it’s like toilet training; you learn as you go.  They say men don’t truly grasp the commitment in marriage until they slide the ring on their spouse’s hand at the ceremony, or they don’t know what it’s like to be a father until the newborn grasps his hands with their little fingers.   A friend of mine thinks that this apprehension could be related to the way we were raised. Girls are taught and trained from the beginning on how to be a mom and nurture others.  While with boys they are just expected to figure out how to keep their pants zipped up.

Now like I said I am not worried about marrying Shannon, I love her and am more than ready for it.  I have thoughts of, “can I be selfless enough”, “can I put her needs first ALL THE TIME,”  “can I continue daily to set the spiritual example in the house?”  How do I not just zone out after having a bad day??  You see, my soon to be wife loves to talk while I find it difficult to talk when you have nothing to say; so the conversation is continued until every ounce of feeling is addressed and explored.   I think the big fear is, as men, we learn to be independent and to rely on ourselves.  But in marriage you need to work as a team.  I learned this lesson over the weekend.  Quick recap:  My mom and sister are in town for Shannon’s bridal shower and I suggest we go on this amphibious tour afterwards called, The Duck.  So apparently since I suggested this outing I was suppose to have the plan.  I didn’t have one (Strike one).  We headed into town and on the way I got a call from my work about a leak and then a fire alarm.  I vaguely told my mom to meet the others and they could take off while I solve the problem at work; poor communication (Strike 2).  The poor communication had to deal with directions; I was upset because I did not get her an Iphone so she didn’t have to use it.  So I winged it guessing the location of the monorail.

Now because I was stubborn I led 5 hungry females 2 miles in the wrong direction.  All the while, Shannon was wanting to talk and I kept telling her to wait.  Once I finally figured out the right way to go. I insisted we continue without stopping for food (Strike 3 – if women are hungry feed them immediately), it’s kind of like lions at the zoo, if you starve them too long they will attack the handler.  So finally we stopped at Subway where Shannon and I talk. She told me I was stubborn and how I hurt her feelings.  I said sorry we made up like we always do and then had a great rest of the day.

But the words she used echoes in my head, “I need us to be a team.” Well it’s a good thing teams don’t get good without practice.  I think the hardest part about being a team in a relationship let alone a marriage is that men were trained to not work for a team while women were trained to be.  Men are taught how to change a tire, change the oil, fix things, live off top ramen, microwave pizza, how to be strong, etc……  So the hard part about being a team and truly letting that team member in on the secret plays is to become so strongly reliant on the rest of your team so that you don’t know how to carry on if something should happen.  I have known men who marry their wives, love them and learn to be so selfless and make her truly apart of the team that when they passed they don’t know how to continue.  That is being emotionally wide open.  In time I will be there by the grace of God.  But for now I am a work in progress.

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